'Get your paw out of my smoothie!' Most hilarious things people have caught themselves saying to their cats

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Feb 16, 2026 11:00 AM EST

The experience of cat ownership is unique for everyone, but we can all agree on one thing - living with cats is hilarious. 

We did not grow up with cats. We got our first cat when we were teens. And let us tell you, it was a life-changing experience. Whatever we thought cat ownership would be like, it wasn't like that. From the first night, when our itty bitty kitty insisted on climbing into bed with us multiple times in a row, despite us being so scared of turning over and crushing her. Over time, we have learned so many things about what cats were like. We have learned that some cats love sinks for some reason, and follow you into the bathroom. We have learned that cats don't like closed doors - not because they want to use the doors to get in and out of a room, but just for the principle of it. We have learned that, despite the fact that cats don't understand us, cats can be really talkative. And we talk back.

One of the funniest things that we have learned - about ourselves, not our cats - through cat ownership, is that we really do treat our cats like tiny humans. We talk to them like we would to anyone else. The only difference is that we find outselves saying some absoltuely hilarious things to them that we would never say to other people. 

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  • 01

    "Sentences I've Said as a Cat Owner That Shouldnt Have To Say."

    Cheezburger Image 10606721280
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  • 02
    Why are you wet? (Wet belly, indoor cat) Why are you Blue? (Blue paint on fur, indoor cat) Stop eating butter.
    via potato_for_cooking
  • 03
    Stop licking your bet on the table. How did you get litter on the 3rd floor? (Townhouse, litterboxes in the garage) Stop licking the toothbrushes.
    via potato_for_cooking

  • “Stop licking the toothbrushes” is one of the most unhinged things that we have ever read. Wow. Everything else, we understand. But that one. Oh, the way that our lives would have turned upside down if we caught our cat doing that. The way that we would start questioning everything. The way that doubt would creep its way straight into our souls, echoing like a whisper in our heads, saying, “What else have you been licking behind our backs?" We don't know if we would come through the other side of this unscathed. 

  • 04
    Belgarath210 Stop chewing on the plastic!
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  • 05
    lillymbn it's always the plastic!
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  • 06
    lillymbn I'll add, "Please get your bt out of my food!"
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  • 07
    potato_for_cooking OP This is a big, important one.
    via potato_for_cooking
  • 08
    Bouche_Audi_Shyla Don't pounce your sister. I am not a ladder. Don't chew on my oxygen cord. Don't play in your fountain. Don't scratch the new loveseat. Don't scratch the old human. Warn me before you launch yourself onto my or my bladder. Sheath your claws, please. You don't have to sniff each pill take it. Stop looking so d when I'm mad at you. before I ed cute
    via Bouche_Audi_Shyla
  • 09
    LeMarmaduke "Quit chewing on my oxygen tube" is the #1 most uttered phrase in our house!
    via LeMarmaduke
  • 10
    wingedpractitioner "You can't just eat toothpaste and di He's obsessed with toothpaste and green olives. I'm trying to keep you alive heathen, stop it!
    via wingedpractitioner
  • 11
    SuccessfulPhoto 7914 Stop trying to eat the cactus
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  • 12
    Negative_Corner6722 Why are you eating my headphone wire? Where are you going (or what the h_I did you do with) the butter? Stop attacking your sister. She's going to f you up. (He didn't. She did.)
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    Cheezburger Image 10606720768
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  • 14
    AuntieBubba23 "Bro you missed the box!" & My 19 yr old man thinks as long as his feet are in the box his a is too.
    via AuntieBubba23
  • 15
    Firm-Tell-3172 get your paw out of my smoothie!
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  • 16
    Nomcaptaest Why are you wet is always the worst one
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  • 17
    BoudiccaAoife Do I bite you? Then why do you bite me? Excuse me, that is my broccoli. You know, some of the big cats eat their young, and I know why.
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  • 18
    Delicate_Elephant "Get off the kitchen cabinets." Followed by, "Stop smacking the fire sprinkler. Our renters insurance doesn't cover flooding caused by an attention seeking cat." And then, "you wouldn't like getting all wet." Sigh...
    via Delicate_Elephant

  • We do try reasoning with them sometimes. We know it won't work. We know that even if they could understand us, they would not listen. They would insist on doing exactly what they were doing, and heck the consequences. That is the beauty of cats. And that is why we love them so much. They are independent creatures with thoughts and desires of their own. It's also funny. Not necessarily what they are doing. But rather listening to ourselves, try to reason with them. Sometimes, we understand the concept of “the crazy cat lady”. And to us, it is absolutely hilarious. 

  • 19
    66-colors Get out of the fridge!
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  • 20
    ONLY Great Value Original Sour Cream 2 Pack Nutrition Fact acts DELIGHT think!
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  • 21
    Less_Reveal_6324 How long have you been drinking out of MY glass??!!
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  • 22
    Sure-Present-3398 Stop picking on the dog.
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  • 23
    tinycarnivoroussheep Get down and ask like a civilized person.
    via tinycarnivoroussheep

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